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Tuesday, May 16

How do you see yourself?

Shocking as it maybe. some people just see themselves and love it. hehehe. i'm actually one of this fortunate people who love myself very much as i am. i accept my own flaws and weaknesses and i enjoy being me for all that i am. i'm crazy in many ways, but that's exciting for me to be. i'm also melancholic and love depressing things. yup, i'm depressed most of the time because i actually enjoyed the feeling. the cornucopia of feelings are wonderful mixtures that colours our lives. though i hate when i feel hate, but i actually enjoy when i dislike something. yup dislike is different from hate. for instance, i hate reading stories of rape,sodomy and incest because it shows the evil of man. of how terrible people can become, of how inhumane they turn out. and to even say that they are animals, shame the animals. cos even animals don't do such cruel deeds. dislike is something else, it's like when i listen to music by siti nurhaliza. i dislike her very much. because i'm jealous really. so that's kinda fun. hahahaha.how about love and like?
Well...i like going to the cinema or even the record shop or the bookstore, and just choosing to watch a movie or buy an album or a book without any preconceptions. just going there and go with my feelings at the time. if i suddenly am attracted to something then i'll just get on with it. and i enjoy that a lot. it's a feeling of freedom of choice. no one dictates to you what you should see,listen or read.then there is love. i love being around happy people. i love it. i don't need for them to talk to me or anything. but just the vibe, the aura so to speak of happiness in the air. i love that. it's the sunny feeling, the warm and fuzzy feeling.
Ilove it when people say the nicest things to other people. and i love it when i can say nice things to people too. it make me feel so much better. i love to say nice things as opposed to the cruelest things i can think of.and i am very capable of bad things, really bad things to do and say. some people are just going to say negative things to you. and sometimes you can fight them back right there and then, by being confident of your own views and feelings. but there are people whom out of respect, either because of their age, status or even of how you yourself feel about them, that you just decide not to fight back. instead you eat your sorrow and pain and move on. perhaps i don't look like i feel that way, but i do too you know.i so very much want to be a good person, but dictating to me what i should do will only piss me off.
And more often than not, i am pissed off with a lot of people because they kept doing that. you check yourselves before you mouth off bad things to me, for God knows what i keep in my heart. i never want bad things to happen to people though my mouth may be quick to say it. but i am human. and i thank God that i am. i am blessed with all these feelings, all these thoughts, all these opportunities. as i walk the earth, i may not be able to water all the flowers or spread the seeds of joy...but at least i get to smell the roses, and tulips and drink the water from the mountains and bath in the deep blue sea.
I am not ashamed that i feel what i feel. i am happy with who i am. and though i aspire to be better than i am, i aspire to be one i myself can be happy with, love and respect. people can say the worst about you, things that even you never see in yourselves. but sometimes they may be right, but other times they only say what they feel about themselves.so go on...enjoy your feelings...enjoy your heartbreaks, sorrows and pain. enjoy your fear of the unknown. enjoy the happy times you spent with your loved ones, or even the ones you spent with people you hardly know.
Enjoy this life, take it in your stride.i thank everyone who has wished me well, who has prayed for me. who cares for me and who make time for me. who asks for my opinions and feelings, who laughed with me even when my jokes aren't funny. those who laughed at me when i fall down the stairs or do embarassing things...those who wished me death and unhappiness because i won't do as they ask. those who still continue to smile at me despite my cursing at them. those who still called me by name instead of a simple 'oi b*i*t*c*h' or simpler 'b*i*t*c*h'. hahaha. i love all of you who have at one time and still continue to be my angels and my devils. you make my life worth fighting for.Mwahh!!! mengarut tak habis2!!!

Posted by Ujang_MD :: 5/16/2006 02:13:00 PM :: 0 Comments:

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